The Investment
by victrolannights
Summary: Fitz and Olivia have moved on since the night they accepted defeat, and Fitz finally agrees to sell the Vermont house. Letting go of the dream is not as simple. Post 5x09 fic. Olitz endgame.
1. Chapter 1

**This fic all started with a "random Olitz thought of the day" musing that I posted on my Twitter. It got over ninety favorites, brought in some hate mail from the feels I gave people, and produced an overwhelming amount of requests to make it into a fic.**

 **Here it is.**

* * *

Olivia gently thumbs a stain off of her wine glass as she settles down after a long day of work on her couch. Things are not back to normal, but it it is a new normal she has come to know and accept. She helped another politician handle an unzipped pants situation today. She has honestly lost count over how many of those she has handled.

She once loved walking into Olivia Pope and Associates. The moment she stepped foot off that elevator, she was filled with energy and pride. Nowadays, it seemed only to take up time she desperately needed to burn. She had not felt passion since-

She takes a sip of her wine. Then another. She turns on the television to watch the nightly news.

" _With one month left of President Grant's presidency, many are starting to debate what legacies he will leave behind. Although the President's terms have been ridden with cheating allegations amongst other scandals, one cannot ignore accomplishments such as the Brandon Bill and bipartisan agreements on gun control. We took to the streets and asked people from all different backgrounds how they will remember the Grant Administration."_

" _I honestly find it really hard to trust President Grant after he continuously promised to better himself as a leader and a person and just failed time and time again. I mean his wife paid someone to come forth as his mistress to cover up another affair she was pretty much supporting? Sounds like something that would only happen in a cheap soap opera. Yet that was what plagued news outlets when we could have been talking about relevant issues such as 'Bring Back Our Girls'."_

" _Grant has obviously had a hard time keeping it in his pants, but the Brandon Bill has significantly helped lower cases of police brutality which I think is more relevant than who he is or is not sleeping with."_

" _I'm surprised E! Network never went in and made a reality TV show out of this mess of an administration. They really could have profited off of it."_

" _Say what you want about our current President, but he has been one of the only politicians I have seen in ages who willingly comes to the middle of the floor to compromise. A Republican rallying for gun control? Who did that on a grand stage despite the risks before he did? He has my respect in that he knows how to truly represent the people. We cannot vote people into any office who do not know how to compromise. It is why our country gets into ruts time and time again."_

" _All I have to ask is what ever happened to Fitz and Olivia Pope? That was a love story I never thought I'd be rooting for, but I had never seen President Grant filled with so much life since he was running eight years ago. I was shocked to find they had split, but I guess it is hard to maintain a relationship in the White House and spotlight. After all of the years of hiding what seems to be a true love between the two of them, I kind of wish they ended up together. Maybe this is just me buying into the show the Grant Administration has put on, I don't know. *laughs*"_

Olivia sets her glass down on the table and rubs her temples.

" _Overall approval ratings for President Grant are surprisingly at 52% currently. Over the past couple of months, he has made huge successes in foreign policy initiatives in the Middle East and police reform. Many have attributed this to his family and relationship drama settling down, but Press Secretary Abigail Whelan has made it quite clear that the President is wanting to make the most out of his last months in office."_

" _President Grant has done a lot during his eight years in office, but he is especially concerned now with fulfilling every promise he has ever made to the American people before he leaves. He realizes that there have been times when he has let his fellow Americans down, but he is determined to leave this country in a better condition than it was in when he first stepped foot into the White House."_

He did it. He is doing it. He is living without her. He is being the man she voted for.

So why is she not happy?

All of this time, this is what she wanted for him, but there was a big part of her that believed he could not do it without her by his side. He had told her that time and time again, and she knew the true value of her presence in his life. Heck for the past eight years she influenced more policy than anyone would ever know. Yet here he was being independant. Being alone. There was no excuse to run anymore. He had hit the bullseye no matter how small she made it.

But accomplishing everything he has since they accepted defeat was not for her. She hated to admit how much that hurt her.

They were not tethered anymore. They were two more lonely people in this world, all of the heartache not being worth a damn thing. They buried themselves in work and tried to find the passions they once had, but nothing was like the passion they had for each other and their dream.

 _Vermont_. She presses her lips together in a thin line. Abby told her that it was on the market and that he was refusing to accept any offer, no matter how big. She realized that the fact he had not sold it was what got her out of bed every day, what made OPA tolerable. She had said that Vermont was dead. It had died the moment her procedure was through. There was no hope for them anymore, no future, no dream, no reality.

But she still clings to hope. She does not know how to live any other way. Someday it would all be worth it, it had to be. Jerry and Harrison's deaths, Defiance, her kidnapping and the lives lost because of it, Rowan's release, everything needs to have been worth it.

She knows what she has to do.

* * *

 _December 20th_. He looks at the date typed at the top of the bill he is about to sign with a sense of wonder.

One more month until he is a free man.

He thought that he would never reach this point. He cannot seem to remember a time when he was not President anymore. He has tried desperately to remember what drove him to be here, what made this all seem worth it.

How could any of this be worth it?

He lost his son. He lost his relationship with his other two children. He lost his marriage, even though he knows it would have been doomed anyway. He lost his personal freedom, his true passion for politics, his faith in himself when he realized he never was never actually President because the people wanted him to represent them.

He lost her.

He lost the most important thing in the world to him, all because of this Presidency. For months he has watched as she has tried to glue her life back together, tried to numb out the pain through working. They both have mastered that coping process now. Even when Cyrus handed him the paper to nail the coffin in their relationship, he still knew that he would not love anyone more than her, despite anything she has ever done. He has dated, he does not know if she has. He does not care to check in on her anymore. They tried, it did not work.

It was not ever going to work. He tells himself that every night while he lies in bed remembering her wearing nothing but his Navy shirt and a content smile next to him. He would do anything and give anything to have her in his arms, but for her it is easier to run than to fight. He tells himself that he deserves better, someone who he knows full-heartedly will not run when times get hard. He has met those women. He has dated those women.

None of them are Olivia.

None of them make him feel alive. When she is in the room, every nerve ending in his body is electrified. He can feel every beat of his heart, every emotion running through his veins. With her, life feels worth living. True love is not a Hallmark creation. He feels a wholeness that he has been craving since he was a child.

He looks up and looks at his desk clock, watching as time slowly ticks by. The end of his Presidency used to be something he looked forward to. Even though these eight years had been long and hard, there was always Vermont. It was a new life that could write over this one. It was the dream that kept his heart beating.

There is no Vermont now. Her screams will forever throb in his ears. There is no them, Vermont, jam, kids, nothing. He has nothing.

When his Presidency ends, he will not even have a home to return to. Santa Barbara is now Mellie's. The only house left in his name sits five-hundred and sixty-four miles away, hauntingly empty and unlived in. After he had read the medical report, he had called up a local real estate agency and listed it. Many people had made offers, but he accepted none of them. They had been good offers, ones he probably should have accepted. After all of this time, he was still holding onto it. He could see himself flying his last flight on Air Force one and landing in the backyard, Olivia waiting at the back door wrapping her cardigan around her tiny frame as she smiled at him. She would make her way through the deep snow to him and kiss him chastely on the lips. Everything about the past would be okay because the present and future would be so magnificent.

Fitz breaks out of his reverie as Charlotte slowly opens the door.

"Mr. President, are you available?" Fitz puts down the bill and looks up at her.

"Yes." He responds quietly. Charlotte pauses, not wanting to report this to him at all.

"I just got a call from your real estate agent. You just got a pretty substantial offer on your house. There was a slight bidding war, and the other interested party backed out. He really recommends that you consider this one. Otherwise, the agency is going to have to drop your listing." Fitz sat for a moment before getting up and walking to the corner of the office. _Their_ corner. Charlotte waits as he looks out the window in thought.

"I accept. Have him schedule a settling date with the buyer." He concludes, still looking out over the lawn.

"Sir, do you want to at least look over the numbers and-"

"Do you honestly think numbers matter to me at this point Charlotte?" He asks softly, turning slowly to face her. Charlotte looks down at the ground.

"I will let you know when a date has been scheduled." The door closes behind her and Fitz walks over to the jar of scotch sitting on his end table. He pours himself a glass and sits down, leaving the unsigned bill waiting on his desk.

* * *

Fitz closes his eyes and takes a deep breath as Air Force one lands on the grass of his property one last time. He is already regretting his decision to come early to the settlement, but he had to just see everything one last time. He hops of the copter and grabs the keys out of his pocket. He unlocks the back sliding glass door and steps inside.

He had not been here since it was finished. The living room was fully furnished, the refrigerator hummed softly in the distance. He walks over to the wine cellar and opens the door, locking eyes with the chardonnay he had bought to celebrate he and Olivia's new beginning. He had planned to show her the completed house on Christmas Eve as a surprise.

He quickly shuts the door and makes his way up to their bedroom. Shrugging off his jacket, he places it on the chair in the corner of the room and lies on his back on their bed to look up at the skylight. He remembers when he picked out all of the colors for it. Violet was Olivia's favorite color, so he incorporated it amongst blues and purples to create a beautiful visual to look up at. For a couple of moments he gets lost in it, only broken out of his entrancement when the alarm beeped to announce the arrival of a guest. He sits up slowly, taking one last glance of their bedroom before grabbing his coat and making his way downstairs. He makes his way into the living room and stops dead in his tracks.

 _Olivia_. She sits at the counter looking down at the papers lying in front of him, unaware of his presence. He has not been this close to her in so long. He takes in every inch of her: the beautiful curls that pool down her back, her eyebrows furrowed in concentration, her long eyelashes pointed downwards, the small pout of her full lips. Then it hits him.

"What are you doing here?" He asks, his voice surprisingly not filled with malice. Olivia's head pops up in surprise. They lock eyes for a moment before she speaks.

"I'm here to settle." She responds simply. She looks back down at the papers in front of her and pushes them across the counter.

"I told Eric he did not have to come. I thought we could handle this ourselves. I will drop off the papers on my way back to the airport." Fitz stands in place, not knowing what to do or say. Olivia scoots off of the stool and walks around the living room, taking in all of the updates.

"It truly is beautiful. The skylights, countertops, all of the little details. You truly put a lot of thought into this place." Her casual attitude about all of this starts to get to Fitz.

"Stop talking about the house!" He booms suddenly, echoing her own words. She stops in the center of the living room as her body tremors. She presses her lips together and blinks back tears.

"When I was kidnapped," She pauses, taking a deep breath.

"I had this dream where Jake saved me from my cell and you and I moved here. You were the mayor and I made jam, even though I have no clue whatsoever on how to even go about that." She laughs slightly, tears threatening to fall.

"We were so happy here, just you and me. Life was simple. You were worrying about throwing out the first pitch at the local baseball game and all I had to worry about was walking the dog and picking boysenberries." She looks around once more and smiles weakly.

"It was something nice to cling onto, it always was. But life is not simple, especially not our lives. Before we were outed, we had our Vermont. It was just you and me and we shut out the rest of the world. But then we were, and as I predicted we did not make it out of it together. We are not the same people, we are walking ghosts of people we used to be and wished we were." Fitz remains far away from her, still trying to wrap his head around what is happening.

"I never knew what I wanted. I grew up with a father always pressuring me to be twice as good as everyone else and to be at the top of my game. I always pictured myself being a big dog in Washington and that always satisfying me. As much as we talked about babies and Vermont, I never saw myself getting married or being anyone's housewife. That just was not in character for me. Yet I constantly dragged you through everything and never stopped to consider what I wanted, what we could be, what we could have if we just-" Tears start to spill down her face.

"I was not ready to be a mother Fitz. I just could not do it, not then and maybe eve not now. I was not mentally prepared to deal with the public outcry or the responsibility of taking care of a little human that would call me Mommy. There was never a doubt in my mind that you would be a good Dad to our children, but how am I supposed to be anyone's mom when I grew up with a mother who was a terrorist and was missing for half of my life and a father who rarely interacted with me and ran a top secret government spy organization behind my back? The pressure of being First Lady and meeting up to your expectations and the country's expectations and Defiance and Jerry's death and Harrison's death and all of the innocent lives that died to save me and all of the rest of it was just too much." She throws her hands down and begins to softly sob, and all Fitz wants to do is wrap his arms around her tightly and never let her go, but he is just too hurt to even move.

"I could fix everyone else's problems but I could never fix my own! I could never fix me! And that ruined the most important relationship in my life. It ruined us!" She stops and gathers herself slightly, taking a deep breath.

"I am here because I am investing in our dream. I believe in our dream. I am not going to spend the rest of my life being unhappy. We can talk about how too much has happened and how we are probably better off apart, but there will never come a time when I do not love you. And I think there will never be a time where you do not love me. I have seen the papers, I know you have tried to go on dates. Giavanni Milano from that international gun control group and that other gorgeous woman from your hometown. None of them have stuck." Fitz is slightly taken aback that she has been following him so closely.

"I know I have hurt you so deeply Fitz. I have done so many things that I am not proud of and I do not think that there is any way to make up for them. I have had to accept that in therapy. The biggest thing my therapist pushed was accepting my past and knowing that there is no way that I can fix it. What in the past is in the past. What I have done cannot be undone. I will never be able to be completely in control of everything around me. I get that now." She locks eyes with Fitz. Her heart beats even faster.

"I was not ready to choose you when I did, but now I am. So, I have signed those papers over there and they are just waiting for your signature. I am investing in our dream. I might not have a clue how to make jam and that is probably not what I will end up doing, but I know one thing that is for certain. My life will never be fully complete without you in it. I could fix all of the cases in the world and walk around D.C. with the big dogs, but my passion for all of that does not even come close to matching our passion. Our love." Fitz looks like he is going to take a step towards her, but he rethinks it.

"I do not expect you to come running into my arms. You love for me has been too unconditional in the past. I understand if you need some time, but I am asking you to sign those papers and let me invest in our dream. Let me put all of my chips on the table. Let me be the initiator for once. We can figure out how to make the dream a reality later, just please let me do this. Please."

They lock eyes and she can feel his hesitance weighing down on her. She threw all of her pride and everything into the middle of the room. She finally was ready to let herself be freed from the confines she had wrapped around herself. Fitz was in utter shock and awe, but the past still nagged at his back. Although this seemed like it was it, how could he truly know? He could wake up tomorrow to find out she had run once again.

But owning this house would forever keep her in place. She was right, she was truly betting on them. For the first time, Fitz felt like he saw the real Olivia in front of him, stripped down to her most vulnerable form. She had torn all of her walls down right in front of him willingly. She was the one truly fighting for their love. She was ready. But was he?

Olivia watches as Fitz walks over to the countertop. He drags the papers towards him and picks the pen off of them. She watches from across the room as he signs every one, trying to read his emotions. His face is blank, his hand is trembling slightly. She wipes the tears off of her face watches him intently. When he is finished, he pushes the papers back to their original place and closes the pen. They stand in silence, him squeezing the corners of the countertop and she waiting for him to make a move.

He wants to so desperately kiss her and make love to her on the floor right then and there, but he knows it is not right. For once, they cannot just act all at once. Last time they did that, it did not end well. He needs time to think, and so does she.

"Make sure these get to Eric." He murmurs softly. With that, he walks out of the sliding glass doors and towards the awaiting helicopter. She watches from the door as his figure fades into the backdrop of the mountains, wondering if they were ever going to get their Vermont after all.

* * *

 **Okay so this turned out to be way longer than I anticipated. It kind of just came out like a word vomit! I just made a video on my YouTube channel (AleccaOfficial) entitled "Does Vermont Still Exist?" where I really delved into what happened in 5x09 between Fitz and Olivia in great detail. If you have not seen it, I really recommend you check it out. It is one of the best videos I've ever done and I think it really helps those who were discouraged by the winter finale understand it in a new light. I brought a lot of my findings into this story and could really genuinely see something like this happening on the show. Maybe not for a while, but eventually. This story originally ended with them reconciling right then and there, but I think too much has happened for that to be realistic.**

 **I originally intended for this to be a one shot, but I know if I read something like this and was left with that ending (especially after 5x09), I would be mad. I will gauge the reviews and see if I should continue. So make sure to leave one! I also love when readers tweet me on my Twitter (itsmebeccax) and since that's where this story really started, that would be cool too.**

 **Stay strong Olitzers. There's still hope.**

 **XXX, Becca**


	2. Chapter 2

**I am finally finished with all of my final exams, so that means I'm on winter break! Expect a lot of updating for this story and my other stories too. I can't wait to just lay in bed all day, watch old** _ **Scandal**_ **eps, drink hot tea, and write.**

 **I am wishing all of my readers a happy, healthy, and peaceful holiday season!**

 **Also wanted to share that I am having a holiday giveaway on my YouTube channel! I am giving away a $40 Amazon gift card and an E.L.F. eyeshadow set! I wanted to give back to all of my followers/subscribers who have made 2015 a truly great year for me. To find the giveaway, search my channel (AleccaOfficial) on YouTube and the details are in the latest video I've posted.**

 **Again, thank you so much for your support with this story and beyond and I hope you enjoy the holidays!**

* * *

Olivia stretched her palms out across her silk sheets as she awoke slowly to the sun peeking through her curtains. She didn't know what time it was, she didn't really care. She nuzzled her head into her pillow and pulled her sheets tighter around her.

It had been three days since she purchased the Vermont house and Fitz still had not called her. By all accounts, he was barely affected by her gesture at all. She watched him on the news laugh with Congressmen and rally the people to help him fight against police brutality. He was being everything she knew he could be without herself or Mellie being there as a crutch, yet she was more bothered by this than ever before.

She had come completely clean to him. Never in her life had she been so brutally honest with herself, let alone expose that truth to anyone else. She put all of her cards on the table and he just nodded and continued on.

She always told herself that this would be what she wanted: for him to move on, her continue with her life. It would be easier that way, so she thought. She could be everything she wanted to be and he could be everything she knew he could be. Whenever they were together, they were doomed to fall apart. It happened time and time again. It was a cycle that would end up breaking them beyond repair.

Olivia's hand traveled down to her stomach. She inhaled deeply and pressed her eyes shut so the tears would not fall.

How could she be someone's mother if she couldn't even hold a relationship? She wasn't even sure she knew how to love. She wasn't even sure that he knew how to love. Was love supposed to be as unconditional as Fitz made it out to be? She had never known a love like his and even after all of these years it scared her to the core. She never felt like she could meet him where he needed her to.

She felt like a failure. She was her father's failure, and now she was his.

It didn't matter how many cases she solved or the accomplishments she could hang on her wall anymore.

She would always end up failing herself.

* * *

Fitz opened his eyes to yet another empty bed. It was weird, he thought, after all of these years waking up alone. In a strange way, it was slightly refreshing. He could finally be alone with his own thoughts, be his own leader and decision maker. Over the years, he lost himself in all of the noise. Now he could finally think clearly and was reminded of why he ever wanted to be President in the first place.

For seven years, he struggled to remember what made him want to be in this place when he could have the simple life he always wanted with Olivia. The Presidency felt like a chore most of the time, and time itself in the White House was trivial. There were moments when he felt himself become inspired again, such as when Jerry died and he bravely changed his stance on gun control. Overall, he just found himself counting down the days until he would be free again.

Until he realized he would never be free again. He would always be followed by Secret Service agents, his every move still watched by the media. On top of it all, his love for Olivia would always tie him down. The "what ifs" and "could have dones" would always plague him. In the silence of the Residence after a day of hard work, he could hear her voice echoing down the barren hallways.

" _There is no us! There is no this! There is no Vermont! There is no jam! There's no future. Not anymore."_

The last words haunt him the worst. They're enough to bring him to his knees. He can put up a strong front for the American people and the Congressmen and the media, but inside he is forever broken.

Just like Olivia, he had perished the moment she made her decision.

A part of him wants to scream at her, to ask her how she could do such a thing. How she could delete a future that could have been so bright, how she could terminate something that was a product of their love for each other. Sometimes he does scream at her through pillows and wet tears. He ends up crying into worn hands and pressed bedsheets because he can see _them_ , their daughter and son standing on the porch of their Vermont house with linked hands and small smiles on their faces. He can see her, watching in admiration as he tosses them around in the freshly fallen snow from the sliding glass door. Everything would be worth it then. All of the pain and suffering and loss would be worth it.

He wants to yell at her, but he never will. Because the voice that echoes down the hallways is not hers.

It's a voice of a ghost.

The scene is more vivid in his memory now that all of the truth has been set free. She had been at the clinic that night. She was feeling nothing and everything all at once.

He had let her go, but not entirely. Neither had she.

She still wore his ring.

He brought his hand to rest on her pillow, the memory of three days ago floating into his mind.

She bought their house. She had finally committed to him like he had always wanted. He could barely comprehend it, let alone decide what to do. He had signed the house over to her, but what was the next move? Was he supposed to run into her arms and thank her for finally believing in them like she should have before? Was he supposed to take it slow, date her quietly and figure out the kinks in their relationship?

That was the issue, he never knew what _she_ wanted because she never told him. He knew what he wanted, and she knew what he wanted, but she constantly had him shooting in the dark.

He knew what he had to do, but first he had a country to run.

* * *

"Liv?" Quinn asked gently, pushing open the door of Olivia's office. Olivia turned from the window. Nowadays when she wasn't working, Quinn and the other associates would often find her staring at the White House in deep thought. They knew that she and Fitz had not had the best breakup, so they did not push her on the subject. They thought that the best way for Olivia to heal would be to carry on as normal.

Quinn started to think that they needed to take a different approach. She continued sending daily updates to Abby, without Olivia's knowledge. Because Abby did not have enough time to spend genuine time with her best friend outside of the White House, she entrusted Quinn to take care of her. It was a big responsibility that was starting to weigh on her. So she decided to do what she knew Abby would do.

Push her.

She closed the door behind her and sat on her couch. Olivia gazed over at her with a confused expression. Quinn patted the spot next to her.

"What's wrong?" She asked, standing up slowly.

"Come sit." Quinn instructed, patting the spot once again. Olivia complied and took the seat next to her.

"Is it the Ava Bryan case? Did the judge not-"

"No, the judge ruled in her favor. She will remain employed at the State Department." She expected Olivia to sigh of relief, but she stayed seemingly unaffected despite all of the effort she had put into the case.

"Then what is it?" Olivia murmured. Quinn hesitantly put a hand on her knee. She was never good at comforting people, especially not as good as Abby was, but she was going to try.

"You." She expected Olivia to stand up or build up a wall of defense, but she just sat in place staring at her hand on her knee.

"Liv…what's wrong? I know what a bad breakup looks like but this…this is something entirely different. This is way more than that." Olivia pressed her lips together in a thin line and closed her eyes. They sat for a moment in silence. Quinn started to rub her back.

"You know three days before Christmas Marcus offered to spend time with me, but I rejected his offer. I like to be alone, just like you. It's easier in a way, because you can't hurt anyone and nobody can hurt you. I had planned to just go home and drink the night away, but then Charlie showed up. He had all of these stolen Christmas things: a mini tree, chocolate, a ridiculous hat-" She laughed softly.

"And I just let myself give in. I let myself go. I let myself be happy. That's what you did. I've never seen you so happy. You stood in your truth and he stood in his and together it seemed like you were going to win this thing. So what happened?" Olivia looked up with tears in her eyes.

"Do I start with him moving me into the White House because he didn't trust me after I yet again lied to him or do I talk about the huge secret I kept from him, the abortion procedure?" She said through her tears. Quinn was blown aback.

"There was nothing more I wanted that Christmas than for us to curl up by the fire with goofy hats and chocolate but I just needed to be alone. I couldn't be everything he needed me to be. I couldn't be everything I wanted to be for him and for myself. It was all so suffocating." Quinn enveloped her in a tight hug and continued to rub her back.

"You're situation was hard Liv. It's not easy to figure out a relationship with the whole world watching and expecting so much from you and him."

"I am trying to find the love I once had for fixing, but I can't. I'm still good at it, but I'm not passionate about it anymore." She sobbed, wrapping her arms tightly around Quinn. She never let herself break down in front of anyone, even Abby, but she was so tired and done with trying to put up a front.

"Liv, we're all at that place. Huck wants more than anything to repair his relationship with Javi and his ex-wife, I'm finding happiness with Charlie, Marcus is new but always talks about running for office. If you decided to close, we wouldn't be upset with you. I think we're all at a place where moving on from here would be an acceptable move." Olivia pulled away and squeezed Quinn's arms.

"Thank you. I will think about it. But for now, continue with our case load."

"You got it captain." Quinn replied, saluting her. Olivia laughed briefly before reaching over for a tissue. Quinn sat up and walked towards the door.

"Liv?" She stopped and turned around.

"Yeah?" Quinn smiled weakly.

"For all it's worth, I think you and Fitz still have a chance. You've been through so much together. It all has to amount to something." Olivia smiled weakly.

"Thank you Quinn." She nodded and went back to work, leaving Olivia alone in the middle of her office. Her decision to buy the Vermont house was not weighing on her as much anymore. Fitz would come to her when he was ready. He deserved to have time after years of giving her time.

She just hoped the waiting wouldn't kill her.

* * *

Fitz pulled at the sleeves of his blue sweater as he boarded the elevator. He pressed the sixth floor and nodded at the Secret Service agents next to him.

"I will be here for only two to three hours. No overnight. If I try to change the plans, don't let me."

"Yes Sir." Hal responded, nodding in understanding.

"And this trip is not in the log Bart?"

"That would be correct Mr. President."

"Thank you Gentlemen." Fitz said as the elevator doors opened. He felt a bout of nervousness creep up inside him. _This is truly it_ , he thought as he walked towards her front door. He knocked twice, hoping secretly she wasn't home so he could run back to the White House and bury himself in work again. He heard her latch open.

"It's me." He announced quietly. He heard her breath hitch.

On the other side of the door, Olivia stood frozen in place. He hadn't told her that he was coming. The wine and popcorn she had just consumed sat uncomfortably in the pit of her stomach. What was he here to do? Why was he dressed so casually?

"Liv open the door." He murmured, just loudly enough for her to hear and know he's sincere. She quickly undid all of the locks and latches and opened her door. She backed away so he could walk in. He draped his coat over her chair.

"I see you got a new couch." He said simply. She nodded, trying to gauge him.

"It was time for me to move on from that." She replied softly, taking a seat on the couch.

"Can I get you anything? Wine, scotch, I have that burgundy from India that you like." Fitz shook his head.

"I'm fine. I want to have this conversation completely sober." Olivia cocked her head in confusion as he sat down across from her on the couch, close enough that it made her heart race but far enough that they weren't touching.

"I came here to ask you once what you wanted so I could give it to you. But the funny thing is, you never told me verbally what that was. Instead we ran out the clock together and I assumed what you wanted was me." He smiled weakly at the memory and looked down.

"You stood on the Truman Balcony and told me that we could have whatever we wanted." He looked back up at her.

"But again, I never actually knew what you wanted. Did you want me? Did you want more power? Did you want to marry me? Well, we know the answer to that one. You'd rather let your father out of prison than do that."

"I let my father out of prison because I wanted to protect your Presidency Fitz. Marrying you was not the right way to do that. It would have created even more suspicion, lasting suspicion. It was not an easy decision to make, but it was the smart one. You knew that I wanted to marry you someday-"

"Oh really? Because this is the first time I'm ever hearing you say it." An uncomfortable silence fell between them. Fitz shook his head.

"I didn't come here to fight with you Olivia. I came here to talk." He rubbed his hands on his dark jeans.

"Because if we're going to actually do this, it has to be for the final time. We have to be all in. We have to put everything on the table and move past it." Olivia sat for a moment and then nodded.

"Okay." She agreed, bringing her knees to her chest. They sat in brief silence again.

"I'll go first." Fitz offered. He inhaled deeply.

"I still feel like my dad is watching my every move, watching my every failure. If he were here right now, he would laugh about how awfully I've handled the Presidency. You were too right when you said he never loved me; he probably only wanted me in the White House so he could ride on my coattails and finally get to have some executive power. He always knew how to twist my arm." Olivia's heart sank as Fitz paused, his bottom lip quivering. She watched as his lips turned into a slight smile.

"He probably would have died of laughter if it wasn't of a heart attack." Olivia went to go rest her hand on top of his, but retracted it. He didn't seem to notice; he was lost in his thoughts.

"Fitz, your father loved you very much. He wanted you to have everything he didn't in life. He had weird ways of going about that, and side motives were always going to be there. But it was all because he loved you, his only son." Fitz nodded.

"Even if that's true, I may have the Presidency that he never had, but I made all of the same mistakes. My kids barely know me anymore, I'm divorced, an adulterer-" Olivia leaned slightly more into the couch.

"You know it never felt wrong being with you. But I still hate myself for sleeping with Amanda. That was wrong. And I hate that I hurt so many people. Including you." Olivia nodded slowly.

"I forgive you. We've both done our fair share of hurting each other." She smiled weakly.

"My turn. I'm sorry for constantly hurting you with Jake. Especially when I left you when you needed me the most with him for the island." She paused.

"When I found out that you tried to kill yourself I-" Tears pricked in her eyes. She looked away from him for a moment, gathering herself.

"I realized how completely and utterly selfish I was. Everything caught up with me. I ran away from my guilt so _I_ could feel better about it, but I left you and Abby and Quinn and Huck alone. I was supposed to be your gladiator. It was so selfish and it's a decision I will always regret."

"I forgive you." Fitz said simply. "Thank you." She looked down at her hands and nodded.

"I'm sorry for summoning you and treating you like a toy. You mean so much more to me than that. I constantly took you for granted and didn't think about how it made you feel."

Olivia sighed. "I'm sorry for taking you for granted as well. I always expected you to unconditionally love me but also am terrified of how much you love me that it makes me want to run away. I've always been a person that has craved control of her surroundings, but when you're around me everything is…blurry. You cloud my judgement. But that isn't always your fault." Fitz looked down at the new couch.

"I'm sorry for…the kidnapping. If it weren't for me you wouldn't have went through that. You wouldn't still be battling through that." Olivia pressed her lips together and gripped the couch tightly.

"I wasn't going to declare war. I was going to let you have the upper hand. Mellie convinced me otherwise. She reminded me that I would do anything to protect you because I love you. That does not mean that I don't believe that you can handle things on your own. This was a situation that was out of your control. And yes there were lives lost, but they weren't lost in your name Olivia. They were lost in the name of combatting a terrorist regime in West Angola that needed to be handled. You were only one of the many they kidnapped and were going to kidnap if we didn't intervene. So please, do not let that weigh on you anymore." He rested his hand on his lap, inching closer to hers. She nodded and took a deep breath.

"I still feel guilty about Defiance. I never should have went behind your back like that. The vote to rig the election had to be anonymous, and for a while I held out and didn't make a decision. Then I saw you after your father's funeral chopping the wood and I-" She looked into his eyes, the same eyes she looked into that day.

"Thought you needed the Presidency. You were still so hopeful that you were going to win and prove your father wrong, but I knew considering all of the data and the current state of things that you weren't going to. You could try to run again but you probably wouldn't succeed in doing so. It was now or never." She looked down at her lap.

"You didn't need the Presidency. You just needed a new life. You would have been happier being mayor of Montpelier, Vermont than President."

"I just needed you." He summarized. She nodded.

"Yeah." His hand moved an inch closer.

"I'm sorry for moving you into the White House without your consent. I'm sorry for doing that instead of coming to you with my fears and concerns. I dealt with you in the same way that I dealt with Mellie, and I should have never done that because you are not the same people. It was easier to not face the music and keep things mostly okay. I saw things ending and pushed the inevitable conversation with because I was scared. I finally had you in my life the way I wanted to and I never wanted to wake up without you next me again. I wanted it to be forever." He raised his hands.

"But this is the main thing we were missing in our relationship. This is the main reason why we never worked. We never got things off our chests. We never had the conversations we needed to have in order to move into an actual relationship. Before, we could ignore the small pile of things that we felt guilty and hurt about because we only existed in stolen moments. We only had to stand each other in small bits and the rest we could leave to the imagination. We stood on that balcony and it looked like the dawn of a new era, but we still hadn't let go of the past. We built our new relationship on a weak foundation. That's why it crumbled. Not because we don't love each other anymore or because we're not meant to be, because we went into it broken even before the public knew about us. And you're right Liv, we didn't come out together or the same people." A single tear fell down Olivia's face. Before Fitz could thumb it away, she had brushed it quickly aside.

"I have one more thing." She murmured. Fitz looked at her intently.

"You said if it weren't for you, I would have never gotten kidnapped. It's something that will haunt me for the rest of my life, you're right. But because of me, you're never going to hold your little boy again. You're never going to watch him fall in love, get married, have kids, heck maybe even run for President. Jerry was a good public speaker." Tears flowed down her face.

"You are going to live with that for the rest of your life. And because of me, that happened. I could've stayed away from you, but instead I managed to rip and yank at everything good and solid in your life."

"Livvie-" He shifted his position.

"I couldn't let the pregnancy come to term Fitz. I don't know how to love you properly and you're the only person I have ever loved. How could I be our child's mother? How could I bring him or her into this world that we can barely manage? What would the media say about the situation? Would it plague our child to the point that it harmed them? I just can't be the reason why another one of your children suffers. There's just so much-"

His arms are around her then and she lets herself sob the hardest she has since the procedure. Her body trembled as she fought the panic attack threatening to take over her. His arms pulled her flush against his chest so she could hear his heartbeat, the sound she's longed to hear for so long.

"I can't say that I forgive you right now, but I understand your decision. And someday, I will. Just not right now." He whispered into her ear. She continued to cry into the crook of his neck, relishing his embrace and the exit of all of her guilt. Suddenly, she felt his own tears on her neck.

"I love my son more than anything, but I would never ever dare to think you are responsible for his death. I can just as easily say that it is my fault for putting him in harm's way being President. We could try and point fingers, but what's the use. He's gone, and the best I can do to honor that is move on in his memory." His words just make her cry harder. He rocked her until her breathing was slightly back to normal.

They sit for a while, him rocking her gently and she crying softly into the crook of his neck. For the first time, they feel as pure as they did when they first locked eyes. Everything was out on the table, everything was accepted.

They could move on now. They could hit the refresh button.

They could be.

"One minute before I go." Fitz whispered in her ear. She was falling asleep, so he picked her up and laid her down on her bed. He pulled the covers open and settled her in them before crawling next to her. She laid on his chest as she did in the White House, but this time her mind was at peace. Before the one minute was over, she fell into a deep sleep. Fitz kept his promise and kissed her forehead to bid her farewell. His Secret Service followed him back to the awaiting car.

On the car ride home, Fitz watched as lights and scenery blurred past him. He knew that things were not going to be easy, but he also knew that spending the rest of his life without her would be harder.

He checked his schedule for the next day and added in a new block.

* * *

 **I hope you guys liked this update! It took me FOREVER to write (good lord, these chapters are like 4,500 words each, but I feel like there's so much to be said!). I know it was a lot of dialogue but I think that this is a conversation that Fitz and Olivia desparetly need to have if they're ever going to be in it for the long run. There's so much that these two internalize that I could've went on with the back and forth for forever. I love Olitz dearly, but they really need to become better communicators and stop being scared of it if they are ever going to end up together.**

 **Let me know what you thought about this chapter in the reviews section! I am going to try and deliver the next update ASAP! I really do take reviews into account and I know as an avid reader they're annoying to leave sometimes, but as an author I can tell you that they mean so much!**

 **Happy Holidays again!**

 **XXX, B**


	3. Chapter 3

**I've wrestled with how I wanted to write this chapter as I had a few ideas. The pressure is really on considering that a lot of you guys think that I am really strongly portraying what should happen in the show/what** _ **needs**_ **to happen. Thank you for all of the reviews (seriously, I read every one and really appreciate it more than you'll ever know) and I hope I don't disappoint with this chapter!**

 _ **I just want to let readers know that there is a case involving rape in this chapter. I do not go into any specific details of it (I focus mainly on Olivia and the case itself), but I wanted to mention this in case it is a trigger for anyone. If it happens to be, you can skip the case and down to where I have a bolded X.**_

* * *

 _I'm Brandon Upman, and I am reporting live from outside of the courtroom where the Ayesha Humphrey case is expected to be closed today. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the case, Ayesha Humphrey is a nineteen year-old psychology student at Georgetown University who nearly a year ago came forward saying she had been raped. Humphrey had been drugged and could not identify a victim. After the University's board and local police department interviewed her, she confessed to fabricating the accusation. While psychologists suggested she was coerced into retracting her original statement, those records were kept under wraps. Authorities cited her foster home background and troubled adolescence as reasons she could have lied about the situation._ _She was suspended for a semester and her academic scholarship was revoked for a year. This put her foster family in a situation where they were unable to afford her schooling. Five months later, a student was arrested for drugging and taking advantage of another student and was found to be a repeat offender. Photos on his iCloud revealed that Ayesha had been one of his victims. Now, she has reached out to local D.C. fixer and ex-girlfriend of President Grant Olivia Pope to help her sue Georgetown University for mishandling the case. Despite the school returning her scholarship and expunging the suspension and charges from her record, Pope demands that the school pays her an undisclosed sum of damages. The school stands by the statement that the police department mishandled the situation, not them. It should be noted that Pope attended Georgetown for law school and is listed as a distinguished alum. Despite the White House scandal, they kept her on the list._

" _Miss Pope has had a distinguished career as both a political communications mastermind and protector of the law. Her main goal is to ensure that every American is granted their rights and liberties. Despite the personal choices she has made, she is still a pillar of prestige in the industry that all of our law students should look up to." The University released right after Pope had come forward with her confession that she was indeed President Grant's mistress. Many were shocked that the school still chose to stand by her, but students were proud of GU's decision._

" _I don't think any of us here condone adultery, but just because Olivia made a mistake does not mean that she isn't a great lawyer or political mind. She has accomplished so much and to throw that all of the way in face of this new discovery would be ridiculous."_

 _Miss Pope was not reached for comment on her alma matar's statement, but she seems to have no problem going against them in court. This is Pope's first court appearance in a while, which raises many eyebrows as to why she took this case. It has been revealed that she is representing Ms. Humphrey free of charge, but her firm Olivia Pope and Associates usually handles cases outside of the courtroom. Many believe that she is taking this case to prove herself after her private life was made public._

" _This is a case that Pope and Associates would usually take on, but for Olivia Pope herself to appear in court is sort of strange. I would hate for her motivation to be proving herself instead of proving this young girl should be given the full justice she deserves. Or so she argues."_

Olivia ripped the remote out of Huck's hands and shut the TV off.

"That bible-thumping, piece of-" Quinn started. Olivia held her hand up.

"The media was going to drag my past into that. That was a given. And Sally was eager to add kerosene to the bonfire." She said with a sigh, walking to the corner of the room. Ayesha was supposed to be meeting them any minute. After watching that news report, a wave of guilt came over her. She didn't want to be the one to cost her the compensation she deserved. No amount of money was going to make up for the horrible experience she went through, but justice needed to be served. She knew that Ayesha's family could not afford a good lawyer and she knew she could win this case. She had done similar cases early on in her career. What the media was insinuating was-

The door opened and Ayesha walked in. She took a seat in the far corner, looking distant. Olivia studied her for a moment before ushering the rest of the team out. She walked over to the young girl and crouched down to be eye level with her.

"Chin up Ayesha. We're going to win this thing today and all of this media attention and craziness is going to go away." Ayesha looked up at her.

"Just like it all went away for you?" She asked. Olivia pressed her lips together.

"I watch the news Olivia. Because of this case, all of your old stuff with the President is being dredged up again. They didn't even fully let go of it to begin with. There's still all of this speculation as to why you broke up." Olivia stood up and pulled over a chair. She sat down.

"When Marcus came to me with your story, I knew I wanted to help. I knew that the media would jump on me, I knew that people would talk, I knew that going up against my alma matar and an organization that has held me in high regard would really make headlines. I also knew that I couldn't let your case sink through the cracks. I don't need to strut around a court room and win cases to feel good about myself. To be honest, it doesn't even bring me happiness or a thrill anymore. It's just my _job_. My _job_ is to bring the truth into the light and to protect the people of this nation when the law fails to. Georgetown failed you as well as the justice system, and you deserve restitution and a public apology, not just an 'oops sorry'. To be honest Ayesha things are never going to go back to the way they were. I know that better than anyone else. But you can move on from this and you can come out stronger." Ayesha took in what she said and shook her head slightly.

"That's the lie you tell yourself, that you're going to be okay. You help me and other people so you don't have to deal with your own issues. I appreciate your help Olivia, but I'm never going to be completely okay. Neither are you. I still get random bits and pieces of memory blasts of him taking advantage of me. If I'm always plagued by them, how am I ever supposed to help other people going through issues as a therapist? I went into psychology because I wanted to help foster kids like me get through the mess that is the system. Now I think I'm too broken to be of any help to them."

 _She's in the jail's bathroom in tears. She's on the dirty floor of her cell. She's staring at the white light above her as the procedure begins. She's at the table on the airplane. She's in the Rose Garden. She's watching Fitz carry his lifeless son across the stage. She's in Steven's arms gasping for air she can't seem to find. She's watching as the Vermont house burns to the ground. She's everywhere and nowhere all at once._

Olivia's arm shook violently as she squeezed her eyes shut. She couldn't have a panic attack. Not now. Ayesha enveloped Olivia in a hug.

"I'm sorry Liv. I'm sorry." Olivia pulled away from her and took her head in her hands.

"You and I might never be okay by definition, but the notion that we are not enough is a lie. Nobody can take enough away from us that we can't be the great people we were meant to be anymore. You can still be a great psychologist. I can still be a great lawyer and fixer. Nobody can take that away from us. We deserve happiness and to be able to live our lives in the way we want to."

"Then if fixing doesn't make you happy anymore, what does?" Ayesha asked quietly. Olivia looked down at the floor.

"My friends. They're the only family I've ever known." Ayesha looked at her, waiting for the answer she knew lay deeper beneath the surface. Olivia smiled briefly before looking back up at her and nodding.

"Fitz." Ayesha nodded. A brief silence fell between them as Olivia thought further.

"I didn't deal with all of the things that I needed to before I was finally with him. I projected so much onto him over the years. He did too but-" She blinked away tears.

"I couldn't give him what he needed. I couldn't be what I needed to be." She reached for Ayesha's hands and squeezed them.

"That's why we are going to win this case. I am going to make sure you are taken care of. Your whole life nobody has looked out for you. You were just a foster kid bounced between houses. _I'm_ going to look out for you Ayesha. You worked so hard to get into Georgetown and are so passionate about your future. I'm going to make sure you have the resources to still make it all happen. He's not going to take that all away for you." Ayesha hugged her again.

"Thanks Liv. But promise me you'll start taking care of yourself too." She whispered in her ear. Olivia nodded into her shoulder.

"I'm working on it. I promise." They pulled apart and Olivia noticed Ayesha was crying. She thumbed a tear away from her face.

"Chin up mama. You're going to show that press the part of you that they are failing to report on when you walk out of that courtroom. This case is going to not only help victims at Georgetown, but in colleges nationwide. You're not even a psychologist yet and you are helping people who don't have a voice." Ayesha nodded and smiled, drying her tears with the sleeves of her black cardigan.

"Wipe your tears too. You gotta show the world you're more than the President's ex-mistress." Olivia hadn't even realized she had cried. She quickly wiped away the two tears on her face.

"I will." Just then, Olivia's phone started to ring. They both looked over to the endtable next to them. _Fitz_.

"Or maybe not ex?" Ayesha joked, standing up.

"I'm going to the bathroom. Answer that." She finished, walking towards the door that lead to the bathroom. Olivia sighed and clicked her phone on.

"Hi." Fitz murmured. She leaned back in her chair.

"Hi." She replied, her heart aching. She had missed their phone conversations so much. They could even make 'hi' convey so much feeling.

"I've been following your case-"

"Really?" Olivia gasped, surprised by her sudden reaction. Fitz laughed. Her heart swelled even more.

"Yes really. I didn't completely shut you out. You know I couldn't possibly do that. Plus it's all over the news. Hardly avoidable." Olivia smiled weakly and looked out the window.

"I…I just was calling to wish you good luck, even though you don't need it. In and out of the courtroom, you are one _hell_ of a good arguer." She laughed briefly.

"Thank you. It means a lot." They sat in silence for a moment.

"One minute?" Olivia whispered, her voice shaking. Fitz smiled on the other end of the line.

"One minute."

She curled up in the chair and closed her eyes, imagining he was there wrapping his arms around her. She focused on the sound of his breathing and craved to have her head on his chest so she could hear his heartbeat. It was a sound that could always manage to make her calm down, no matter what storm was brewing outside. What she didn't know was how badly he wanted her in his arms, how badly he wanted to bury himself in her hair and breathe in her sweet scent. How despite everything there was nothing more that he wanted than her. He wanted desperately to want someone else, to find love and a future elsewhere. He just couldn't shake her. She was his person. There was no one he could love more than her.

He didn't tell her those things anymore. He couldn't always be the one to bare his soul. So as the one minute ends, he waits for her to end it.

"I love you." She murmured. She's shocked by how easily the words rolled off her tongue. It was always a sentiment that was so hard for her to say and too easy for him to. She held her breath as she waited for him to respond. _What if he didn't say it back? Could she hold it against him?_ She hated feeling so venerable.

"I love you too Livvie." She let go of the breath she was holding in and closed her eyes.

"Now go give it to them." He said. She smiled.

"I will. You can watch me do it on the ten o'clock news."

"I wouldn't miss it for the world." She stood up and adjusted her skirt.

"Goodbye Mr. President." She finished.

"Goodbye Livvie." She clicked her phone off and slipped it into her purse. Ayesha came out of the bathroom, a smirk on her face.

"Goodbye Mr. President? Really?" Olivia laughed.

"Formalities are sexy sometimes." For the first time since Olivia started working with her, Ayesha laughs.

"You are definitely from the Virginia burbs. Now get your fancy ass out there and deliver those closing arguments." Olivia took her hand and the two walked out hand in hand towards the courtroom.

* * *

 _Brandon Upman coming from outside of the courthouse where a judge just ruled that Georgetown University must award Ayesha Humphrey compensation for their mishandling of her rape case. The Washington D.C. Police Department will also reward the student a smaller compensation. This case has changed greatly how rape cases will be handled in the future. A representative of GU came out and spoke after the case closed:_

" _As a University, we are going to work alongside D.C.'s police departments to come up with a new and more effective way to conduct investigations involving rape. Ayesha Humphrey's case was looked at in a way that perceived her possibly guilty before innocent. It should not have been conducted in the way that it was, and Georgetown is glad to have reached a settlement with her. We know that nothing can help her entirely, but we hope that it helps push her to the place she saw her arriving at when she started her first day of school on our campus."_

 _Olivia Pope also stood beside her client on the steps of the court to say a few words about the case:_

" _Today, justice has been served. But what happens to the sixty-eight cases of rape that don't get reported? Only seven out of one-hundred rape cases lead to an arrest, three are referred to prosecutors, two lead to a felony conviction. These girls might not be able to afford the services they need to recover. They might not have anyone to reach out to. Justice today was served for Ayesha Humphrey in the best way it could be, but we need to think about these other girls too. That is why I turn to our legislators to work towards aiding victims of rape with laws and protection. All organizations, whether it be a college or a corporation, should have guidelines as to how to handle rape cases so that these injustices don't continue to happen. Thank you."_

Fitz smiled. He could see the color returning to her cheeks and fire running through her veins.

She was the woman he knew.

* * *

 **X**

Olivia kicked off her heels as she walked through the front door of her apartment. She was so ready to take a hot bath and relax. She shed her clothes carelessly as she made her way to the bathroom. The sweet aroma of her Lush bath products filled her bathroom as she poured them into the awaiting hot bath.

After the case had been settled, she had taken Ayesha back to Marcus' apartment. Ayesha had lived with a foster family down the street from his family for a long time and he had looked after her. Now he did not want her to return to campus living so he offered to have her live with him. Ayesha had quickly accepted, not wanting to return to her foster family or campus living where she was going to be whispered about. She wanted to continue to get her degree at Georgetown but did not want to live there ever again. She had stayed for a small dinner before bidding them and her team goodnight.

Now that the case was closed, her mind could return to her earlier conversation with Fitz. She couldn't believe she actually told him she loved him. They weren't even together? Or were they? She brought her bubbly hands up to rub her temples.

She wanted to give him time and space, but it was just eating her alive. She wanted to make a move, but was scared of what his reaction would be. Heck, she did make a move. She bought the house in Vermont. That didn't seem to faze him that much, even though she knew deep down it did. She knew he wanted to focus on his presidency and finding his independence, but the most selfish part of her wanted her back. She wanted morning kisses and cuddling and watching the news together and hand holding. She never knew how happy all of that could make her until she finally got Fitz in more than just stolen moments.

She never knew how happy all of that made her until she lost it all.

Olivia never wanted her happiness to be a single person. She always thought of that as being a bad thing. Her happiness lied in many different things: fixing, winning, fighting for the underdog, her friends.

Fitz.

Without Fitz, those things felt trivial. She fought for everyone else's happiness, but never her own. And when she finally did, she just gave up when things got too hard.

Maybe she shouldn't have taken a bath. Her thoughts were practically screaming at her.

She ducked her head under the water and exhaled deeply. When she broke the surface of the water and inhaled, an interesting thought popped into her head. Without another moment passing, she got out of the bath and threw on her robe.

* * *

Fitz mindlessly watched the San Diego Chargers game as he flipped the remote to the TV in his hand. His phone lied on the table next to him, begging him to call her. He had cleared his schedule after all, why wasn't he spending his free time with her?

After their talk, he was filled with new energy and promise. He cleared his schedule and was planning on taking her out on a date away from all of the press and media. He had called her earlier to wish her luck, but also to ask her out to a celebration dinner.

The second part didn't pull through.

She had really caught him off guard with the one minute request. Then she had _really_ caught him off-guard with those three words and eight letters.

A big part of him still believed that this was going to end as it always has, yet that final declaration really had his head spending. Maybe this was actually it. As much as this all seemed to be going in the right direction, he was still hurt from their last breakup. He still didn't trust her. As much as his heart wanted to, his head was telling him to distance himself.

So he didn't pick up the phone and call her.

But she picked up the phone and called him. He eyed the Caller ID with apprehension. With a sigh, he picked up the phone.

"Hi." Olivia said, slight excitement in her voice. He smiled.

"Congratulations on the case." He replied.

"Thank you. Why don't you come celebrate with me?" She asked. Fitz was slightly taken aback. He heard noise in the background.

"Where are you?" Olivia started to laugh.

"I picked the lock on the door at the top of the stairwell and am currently all alone on the top of my apartment building. Please don't make this a party of one. I had to call Huck to help me." She continued to laugh.

"I don't know what has gotten into me, but I just wish you were here. You're the only one I want to be with right now." Fitz sat up and turned off the TV. They sat in silence for a moment.

"I will be over in ten. Hal is not going to be too happy with the venue, but I'll twist his arm." Olivia laughed again.

"See you soon."

* * *

Fitz climbed the stairs with Secret Service in tow. He could see the headlines now.

 _President Spotted on Top of Ex-Mistress' Apartment Building's Roof_

He smirked. He didn't even care. He was pretty sure Olivia just asked him on a date and he can't even remember the last time she had done that if ever. He made it to the top and found the roof hatch slightly ajar. He pushed it open and walked out.

The roof was covered with candles and in the middle sat Olivia on a woven blanket. She had a glass of red wine in her hand and he saw a tumbler of his favorite burgundy poured next to the bowl of popcorn in the middle of the blanket. It was a beautiful night; the stars could even be seen through the city smog. Even more beautiful was Olivia, who sat carelessly in her silk pajamas with damp curly hair smiling ear to ear at him. He felt his heart beat hard against his chest.

 _God_ did he love her. He slowly left his detail at the door and made his way over to her.

"What is all of this?" He asked, crouching down and taking a seat on the blanket. She handed him his tumbler.

"We are celebrating my court case." She poured a little bit more burgundy for him.

"-and…us." She finished, looking up at him nervously. After a moment, he held his glass up to clink it with her's.

"To Olitz?" He proposed. She laughed.

"What is oh-litz?" She joked. He shrugged.

"It's what the media calls us. And apparently we have fans who call themselves Olitzers." She raised an eyebrow.

"We have fans?" He laughed.

"I know!" He exclaimed, laughing with her. They both locked eyes and smiled. She clinked his glass with hers.

"To us…Olitz." They both took long swigs of their drinks and set them down. Fitz took a piece of popcorn and plopped it in his mouth.

"Wow. You do know how to make popcorn." Olivia rolled her eyes.

"I put it in the microwave and pour it into a bowl Fitz. Cut it with the flattery." He gave her a funny look before looking up at the stars. He adjusted himself so he was lying on his back. Olivia moved the bowl and their drinks and joined him.

"Remember when we used to stargaze together on the trail?" He asked. Olivia nodded.

"Yes. The view in Idaho was incredible. That was my favorite night." She reminisced, closing her eyes. Fitz looked over at her.

"You gave me a whole history lesson on the stars." Olivia laughed.

"Well when you're alone at boarding school, you find things to occupy you." Fitz nodded.

"I know the feeling." A silence fell between the both of them as they turned back to look at the stars. Fitz's breath hitched as he felt Olivia's hand wrap around his. She nervously clasped his hand to hers, and sighed when he squeezed it back. He ran his finger along the side of her ring.

"Do you ever think about it?" He asked.

"What?" She asked. He pressed his lips together.

"What would've happened if you didn't go through with the procedure? The future we could've had." Olivia ran her tongue along her bottom lip.

"I've thought about it, yes. But it wasn't the right time." Fitz sighed audibly.

"I know. I just wonder if the right time will ever come or I'll forever be wishing for a life in Vermont we can't have." Olivia turned to look at him. He was still focused on the stars, his eyes entranced by their light.

"I'm all in now Fitz. I bought our house. I want Vermont. And you want it too." Fitz sighed.

"Yeah that was before all of this happened. Now I just don't know." His hand felt laid dead in hers, yet she still clung on.

"You have to believe that I'm all in. You have to." Her voice hitched on the last word, causing him to turn his head to look at her. They locked eyes for a moment before she brought his face to hers.

She kissed him lightly, scared that he was going to get up and walk away. Instead, he pulled her in for another kiss, this one deeper than the last. Before she knew it, her leg was wrapped around him and they were getting lost in each other. His lips moved to her neck but suddenly she grabbed his face and brought it back up so she could look him in the eyes.

"I don't want this to be a hookup you regret tomorrow. You were just saying that you basically still don't trust me." She murmured, pain in her voice. Fitz pushed a stray curl out of her face.

"Trust is not going to be restored with a kiss or rooftop date Liv. It's going to take me time to fully trust you again. That doesn't mean that I don't love you." He kissed her forehead.

"You're right though. We shouldn't do this. Not yet. Let's just…let's just lay here and be us." She nodded and snuggled into his chest.

There it was. His heartbeat. She smiled and hummed softly as he caressed her head.

"We'll get there. We'll get to the dream." Olivia murmured. Fitz kissed the top of her head.

"I've wished for that on shooting star I've ever seen. A life worth living."

* * *

 **Okay, since starting this chapter it has gone through about five rewrites. There are literally five different versions of this chapter. This was the hardest one to write out of all of them because writing a hesitant Fitz and a determined Olivia is hard. They really have reversed roles in this story, so it's weird writing them like this. It almost seems OOC, but then again I think they both have this in them. Olivia needs to be more open, Fitz maybe less so.**

 **The case included in this chapter is loosely inspired by a piece I just read entitled** _ **The Unbelievable Story of Rape.**_ **It was done by the Marshall Project. If you type both things into Google, I am sure it will come up. I would link it but FanFiction does not allow links. It's an incredible and powerful piece that is really worth reading. I wanted to include a case in this chapter to show more of working Liv and how she is handling work with Fitz in the back of her mind. Writing cases is hard, especially when you don't know a lot about court proceedings, so I'm sorry if anything is a little off. I tried my very hardest to write it well. This is probably the only case I will ever write out extensively about in this story as the next chapters will be more Olitz-centric, but I thought it was something the show would/should show and I tend to write things closely related. Well, I'm trying to dig through Shonda's mess respectfully and in a way that tries to make sense of the confusing.**

 **Thank you for reading and please leave a review! My readers have been good with that and I've even been getting reviews on Twitter too! I will share my social media links again in case you want to connect with me outside of .**

 **Expect many updates this winter break. Happy Holidays!**

 **XXX, Becca**

 **Twitter: itsmebeccax**

 **Tumblr: choosingvermont**

 **YouTube: AleccaOfficial (Scandal reviews, amongst other things)**


	4. Chapter 4

**I am just about the biggest hypocrite in the world, and for that I apologize. I hate when people don't update their fics for a while and I'm guilty of this. Over winter break I planned to write a lot, but I did not have nearly the amount of time to do everything I had originally planned. I am going to try and update this and my Christmas fic as quickly as I can. I can promise you that they will be getting the attention that I should be giving to them. However, I'm glad I waited because the new promo really helped give me guidance as to where to take this story. I was losing a little direction and it helped me think about Olitz and Olivia and Fitz as developing characters more deeply.**

 **Without further ado, here is the next chapter.**

* * *

Olivia sighed loudly as she clicked her phone on yet another time to check if she had any missed messages from Fitz. Since their rooftop date, things had been at a standstill. Fitz seemed to have moved forward with her, but she still felt as though he was standing back. She knew he was in the middle of a major nuclear arms agreement and that he was very focused on his Presidency. The last thing she wanted to do was screw up the good momentum he had going for him. After years of the Presidency being a chore he did to please others, he was finally being his own person and the leader she always saw in him.

She put her phone in her drawer and slammed it shut. When she looked up, she found Quinn awkwardly standing in front of her desk.

"Liv…you might want to turn the news on." She said softly, handing her the remote to her office's TV. Olivia quickly pressed it on and looked at the newest CNN headline.

" _Word has just come from the White House that nuclear arms agreement between the United States, West Angola, and East Angola has come to a halt after the Angolan countries refused to meet President Grant's high demands. Sources from the inside have reported that despite Grant's recent accomplishment streak, he is not handling these talks well. In the past seven years, President Grant has proved to be a strong negotiator, but many are wondering if he is in over his head in this one."_

Olivia pressed her lips together in a fine line. She had not even paid attention to who he was negotiating with. As they always say, all press is good press. She was overloaded with more clients than ever before. She busied herself with work so she did not constantly think about Fitz. She wanted to find a new her; a woman who could be independent but still allow herself to love and be loved. She and Fitz had both needed time apart to figure out themselves after trying a relationship for the first time.

Figuring out herself was exhausting. She finally decided to talk to a therapist and tried to map out what she truly wanted in life. She had accepted that she could not fix herself. The fixer needed to accept help for the first time in her life. She really enjoyed talking with Roxanne and was slowly evolving into a stronger person. At the end of long days, she just wanted to be in Fitz's arms again. She had not known how much she needed that until it was a part of her day. Now that it was gone, she missed it more than anything.

Fitz's image came onto the screen. He was walking out of the White House with his detail, a pained expression on his face. As the camera panned, she realized where he was walking to. She looked down at the corner to check if it was a live broadcast.

Of course it was live.

She now had two options. She could go and give him the motivation he needed to settle the negotiation, or she could let him figure it out on his own. She was practically twitching to get up and run to him. He needed her.

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Quinn watched her intently, knowing the inner war that was taking place in her mind. Her eyes remained closed as she tried to call upon the new woman she was trying so desperately to become. After a couple moments, she opened her eyes and looked over at Quinn.

"Call Senator Kidason and tell him that I'm on my way to his office. If he is not there in twenty minutes, he can consider himself out of luck." Olivia quickly sat up and walked over to pick her red trench coat off of the couch. Quinn nodded and gave her boss a look of approval. Olivia nodded silently in recognition before grabbing her purse and heading out the door. Quinn looked up at the television when she heard Fitz's voice.

" _After years of attempts, I truly feel as though this is the final run. Whatever comes out of this is what will be. As your President, as your fellow concerned American, I am going to make sure this game ends."_

* * *

Cyrus knew where to find his President. He was in the place that he always went to when he was stressed or lost. It was the place he went to when he needed her. If he cannot have her, he can feel her energy amongst the roses and thorns. It was their place, as Cyrus silently came to know.

He walked past the silent Secret Service members to stand next to Fitz. They stood for a couple moments, lost in their own thoughts.

"You're not on your game at the negotiation table." Cyrus began, still looking forward.

"You think I don't know that?" Fitz responded curtly. Cyrus sighed and turned to look at him.

"You have done so much in the past couple of months. Who knew that the key to getting stuff done in the White House was kicking the First Lady out? I don't think anyone's quite shocked by that correlation, however."

"Not funny." Fitz shot, looking westward towards the afternoon sun.

"Look Fitz, I get it. You can't stop thinking about when you declared war to save Olivia. You do not regret the decision; you regret letting it ruin her. You overall regret dragging the oh so innocent love of your life into everything that has come with your Presidency." Fitz looked back over at Cyrus.

"Right now, more than anything, you want her to come to you here in the Rose Garden. You knew she could see the news. It was a move that you could make without feeling like you're losing what you've built since she left. If she just so happens to come, you could hear her advice and pep talk. You miss those. You miss her. But all of this was not in your headspace just a month ago. The only things that ran thought your mind were gun control stats and trickle-down economic theories. Now, she's invaded your space again." Fitz nodded slightly and looked down towards the ground. Cyrus always knew him far too well.

"I know we've also grown apart, but I am certain of one thing. The Olivia Pope that's with us now, she's not the same Liv we used to know. I know this for certain because the old Olivia would be standing with us right now. She would have seen you on the television in her office and would have been so moved with pity for her broken bird that she would have flown over here in her white coat to save the day. Our new Olivia? She wears red and dresses and is trying so very hard to find the balance in her life she has never had. It had always been about her work and success, but then there were those scary moments when you mattered more to her than anything else. She had all work, she finally had all of you, now she does not know where this all leaves her. You do not know either." Cyrus put a hand on Fitz's shoulder.

"You might be thinking that she's not here because she's trying to run away again. She's not here because she believes you can do this on your own. She does not have to be your cheerleader or sidekick for you to be the amazing leader we all know you can be. For years we used her because we thought she was what you needed, but we all were wrong. You needed to know you could do this on your own. And you _can_. You have been _killing it_ without her for the past six months. She knows that." He patted him and turned to walk away. He stopped for a moment.

"Olivia Carolyn Pope has put her pride down and in the process has admitted that she is no longer Helen of Troy. This is a historical moment." He turned to face Fitz.

"We return to negotiations in ten minutes. You better bring your game. I want to see these two sons of bitches in tears before the day is done." With that, Cyrus walked back towards the White House, a small knowing smile on his face.

Fitz watched him go, letting his words sink in. He realized that he had been treating the negotiations with the Angolas like he was treating his negotiations with Olivia. He was afraid they were going to run away, that he was going to leave the table empty-handed, disappointed, and frustrated. Maybe this was it. Maybe he was going to be able to finally shut down the nuclear facilities. Maybe he and Olivia were finally going to work out.

There were no guarantees, but all is fair in love and war. He was sure as _hell_ going to give it his all.

* * *

Olivia paced her apartment nervously, wine glass in hand. She had attended to clients all day to avoid monitoring the status of the negotiations. She had gotten word from Abby that she was announcing the results of the day in a press briefing at seven. It was currently fifty-nine after and Olivia was ready, popcorn and all. The program clicked on and she immediately sat down on her couch, nervously grabbing a handful of her favorite food.

" _After a day of negotiations between the President and leaders of East and West Angola, the White House would like to officially announce that an agreement has been reached between the three countries. In exchange for political prisoners and a lift of wartime embargos, the Angolas have agreed to work with the United States in eliminating their nuclear stocks. The countries are hoping to eliminate their nuclear pile-ups completely in two years. President Grant also ensured that all American hostages from the West Angolan crisis will be returned to the country at the conclusion of this week. The President would like to thank both leaders for their cooperation and dedication towards reaching a peaceful agreement."_

Olivia breathed a heavy sigh of relief. She knew she had made the right decision. She took a big sip of wine and smiled softly, snuggling into the corner of her couch. She was startled by a knock at her door. Setting her drink down, she walked over and looked through the peephole. Her heart stopped beating in her chest for a few moments. She quickly unlocked all of the locks and yanked the door open.

"Hi." Fitz murmured, offering her a small smile. She laughed.

"Hi." She breathed, sighing slightly. Fitz looked over at the elevator and then back at her.

"I know I haven't called you since our night on the rooftop and I'm sorry. I wanted my focus to be on my job and not you again. A big part of me still believed that I needed you as my muse to be President. After six months of being alone and learning how to be independent again, that feeling scared me. It all caught up with me today and then I realized that I'm not the only person who has grown. You have too." Olivia nodded slowly, locking eyes with him. He laughed.

"I mean you actually wear colors now. It kind of scares me, I'm not going to lie." Olivia grinned and chuckled softly. Fitz's heart skipped slightly at the sight. She looked back up at him again and they shared a moment.

"As much as I wanted to clink glasses over a gorgeous roast at the White House to celebrate this momentous occasion, I put my pride aside and accepted that I wanted to celebrate with you more. So-" He looked over at Hal and stretched his arms out to receive a bottle of champagne.

"I know you are more of a wine girl, but I thought we could maybe pop some bubbly just this once." Olivia shook her head and tried to conceal her laughter.

"Please never say that again." She ordered.

"I think you've forgotten I'm the President of the United States." He took a step towards her so they were nose to nose. "I can say whatever I want." Olivia rolled her eyes and pulled him through the door, kissing him teasingly on the nose.

* * *

Many glasses of wine and champagne later, Olivia laid on the couch draped across Fitz. She plopped another White House cheese fry in her mouth and rolled over so she was looking up at him.

"Since when did we become so… _common_?" She said, emphasizing the last word dramatically. Fitz looked down at her with drunken hooded eyes.

"You could be at a lavish dinner and instead we are eating cheese fries and pizza from down the block while watching _TLC_." Fitz chucked softly, the vibrations from his chest bumping against Olivia's cheek.

"We were not these people. At least I wasn't. I don't know if you secretly did this in your free time." She murmured, grabbing another fry. Fitz stole it from her and plopped it in his mouth.

"Now we are." Fitz responded, smiling softly. Olivia pouted up at him and without a second thought, he leaned down to kiss her. He was surprised when she returned the kiss by dipping her tongue into his. She threw her arms around him and sat up on his lap, wrapping her legs tightly around his waist. She moved her lips to his neck before resting her head on his shoulder. They laid like that for a few moments, breathing in each other's scents and not wanting to push the moment any further.

"I'm so proud of you Fitz." Olivia murmured, tears brimming in her eyes. Fitz took Olivia's hand and kissed it gently.

"I'm proud of you too." She buried himself in his neck and let the tears fall.

"How could you be? I failed you so many times. I failed our baby. I couldn't step up to the plate and be a mother. I was weak. I-" Fitz put her face in his palms and studied her face. She ran her hands up and down his toned arms.

"Livvie, the old you would have come today. The new you believed in me more than ever. One day, you are going to be an amazing mother when the time is right for the both of us. I understand your decision. It does not mean that I am completely okay with it and I'm still hurt, but I understand. We let everything from the past out and settled our scores. I'm proud of the woman you were and the new woman you're becoming. I love you Liv. All of you. The good parts, the bad parts, and the ugly parts. That's what love is. And this…" He waved his left hand. "…this is it. This is our final run. I don't want to be afraid anymore. We have been through it all and now we can get to a new place. A place that is forever. A place where maybe we sit around watching _TLC_ and do other weird coupley things." Olivia laughed through her tears and pressed her forehead to his.

"It feels so…different. It feels like we're living another life." Fitz smiled and caressed her face.

"It's one that's finally ours." He breathed. Olivia took a deep breath and kissed him again, this time softer. Fitz pulled them both down to the couch and she snuggled into him, letting the world melt away as they drifted off into sleep.

* * *

 **So a lot of you are discouraged about the second half of Season 5. After a lot of time to think things over, I have decided that I'm sort of excited for it. You might ask how that could** _ **possibly**_ **be, but I have come to the conclusion that Fitz and Olivia both need to go through this part of their character progression if their relationship is to finally hit that "forever and always" point. Would I have written Season 5 differently? Yes. Obviously that's why I write fic. However, I think that Olitz shippers should dwell less in the negativity and look more forward. There are some things that really still upset me, but I'm choosing to look forward instead of backward because that's honestly all we can do as human beings.**

 **If you are looking to read some of my thoughts on 5B, I am going to be posting videos on my YouTube channel soon about it (AleccaOfficial). I already have a video up entitled "Does Vermont Really Exist?" up that I did a couple weeks after 5x09. More will follow very shortly. I also have posted my thoughts on Twitter (itsmebeccax) and often tweet good blog posts/threads I like on it. If you are done with the show and choosing to only live in the AU fic world, I hope this story is keeping your love for the couple and characters alive. I really do.**

 **I've already started the next chapter, so expect things to be picking up a bit. I do not know how long chapter-wise this fic is going to be, but I can guarantee at least two more. As always, please leave a review as they really are helpful for me as a writer. You can also leave in your review what your feelings about the second half of the season are. I give you permission to use my comments section as a ranting space. But as always, use your best judgement.**

 **Thank you all for your continued support and I am sorry that this update took so long.**

 **XXX, Becca**


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